Because I Forgot

I forgot what it felt like to do nothing else - Nothing else but to purely, innocently and intentionally love someone.

The trouble with me is this: I know I love people, there's nothing else I'd do. I can so easily make a list, each by name. But the way I show them love, sometimes makes them fall apart, which makes me fall apart later.

And sometimes, your love seems to end. They see it that way at least.

All of me screams first in frustration then in a silent plea, "Don't tell me what to do. I've never quite stopped loving you."

Sometimes I no longer know why I weep, and I lose sight of why I do what I do. Well, no one asked me to right? I can still turn around, make the choice not to love, and walk away.

But there's nothing in me that even wants to walk away.

So I wait. I linger. I hurt. I deserved it.

Did I really?

And I pray a little more each time, that the door to Jesus would always be open. Because He is love, and I am only a vessel.

Vessels fail too, don't they? What about me? 

As long as they are safe and founded in Christ, I have nothing to fear. I have no regrets about loving them.

I will keep loving, even when the door is closed. I won't push or strive too hard, but maybe when the door opens again, I'll get a glimpse of how they love me too.

At the end of the day, there's nothing great about my love, or the measure of my love. Because if I forget who loves me, who the source of my love is and how He first loved, it'll mean absolutely nothing.

So God, help me. Help me to live what You spoke to me, even if it's going to hurt me along the way: Don't just love them to death, love them to Jesus.